Part 1

I remember being a little girl playing MASH to decide what my fate was. I’d marry someone rich, drive a green Porsche and we’d live in a mansion. We’d have three kids and live happily ever after. It was just a game and even though I knew it wasn’t true, I still hoped that someday my life would turn out half as good as the game predicted.

As we grow up we still want the same thing but we just won’t say it out loud like we did when were kids. We look for a partner who is successful, has their ‘shit together’ or a promising future. Someone who can provide for us financially and emotionally plus all the other things we need to be happy.

But what if you fall in love with someone who doesn’t have those things just yet? What are you willing to endure to help see your partner becomes exactly who they need and want to be? What are you willing to do to ensure you also get the life you’re dreaming of?

When I met my husband he was eighteen. We started dating a year later. He came to the US with two gis, a couple of pieces of clothing and $400 that was gone before the end of the month. When we started dating I also didn’t have much. I was living in a friends house and drove a fifteen year old Honda Accord. But I was full of dreams and chasing them full force.

Then I made the mistake of inviting Renato over and on the first night we stayed up until two am talking about our dreams. Then the next night we fell asleep at four am. By the third night it was nearly sun light by the time we went to bed. We shared too much and that was our first mistake because this ‘thing’ we were doing was only supposed to be fun.

Well, I met my match an I knew it immediately. This was different. He was a dreamer too and I knew that his dreams had already become mine. In just three nights I knew that I would do whatever I could to help make all his wildest dreams come true.

It only took two and a half months of being together for Renato to win his first world championship, something he was chasing for the last eleven years of his life. One he had let slip away for the last four years prior to that one. We’d marry each other a month later because in his words, “I found what I was missing.” We were broke but we were happy and more importantly, we were in love.

Four months later he would win his second world title, finish the year off with a promotion and then start his quest to the coveted black belt world championship. It would take him just one year to win his first accompanied by his first Grand Prix championship and a quick rise to stardom. All while we were still living together in a room in a home we shared with three other people. And yes, I was still driving my now sixteen year old Accord because we were still not making much money.

Lets back to the beginning! Renato was getting paid $70 every two weeks and I was living off of some money I saved from my last fight. I didn’t have much but I shared everything I had with Renato. About a week into hanging out he slept over and never left but I was happy he didn’t. We lived in our own little world for those first two and a half months getting ready for the worlds. We woke up, trained, ate, napped, trained some more(and had a whole lot of es ey ex if I’m being completely honest). It felt like were living in a dream.

The morning that we got married, I hid in the living room and cried. I was so afraid to bring Renato into this life of struggle with me. Even though we were already doing it, I was so afraid to fail him.What if I couldn’t make things happen for him? What if I held him back because we couldn’t afford to do things we needed to? Now we were two people and that suddenly felt so scary. Renato came looking for me after a while and put me in his lap, hugged me and reassured me that everything would be okay. And he was right. From that day on he did everything he possibly could to make sure he took care of us and I the same….

(Stay tuned for part II)

Logan

I’ve gotten ‘lucky’ a lot in my life. I must have done a thing or two right because I have ALWAYS had the absolute best people around me.

I want to tell you a story about Logan. Logan an I went to the same Church/Christian School and he was a friend of my cousins(who were a couple of years older than I). We’d talk over social media and keep in touch over the years through Instagram, Twitter, etc.

One day I’m on Snapchat and I am talking to someone who knows me. I talk to this person often but honestly I don’t know who it is because I don’t recognize their username. But through our conversations, I think I know who it is. This sounds sketch of me, I know. But this is normal behavior because I know that I have a lot of people who know myself, my family or support me from a far and til this day I still make time to write to most people who write to me.

This person tells me that they went over their budget for their season and had money left over that they want to donate to me. I kind of brushed it off because again, I don’t recognize the username and I don’t even know how to accept something like that anyways. We talk about meeting up but they’re not available to because they’ll be traveling and I just sweep in under the rug.

About a month later I get another message asking to meet up. I’m a believer that God knows all things and at the time, I was in a rough place! So who was I to turn down a blessing? I asked Renato to come with me. We had just started hanging out a week or two before this and he agreed. I knew that I knew this person and I had an idea of who it was but I still wasn’t sure.

I get a seat outside of Whole Foods and Renato goes inside to make a plate. I can see him watching me from the inside to make sure that I know who it is. I hear my name and I turn around an I’m so relieved to see it’s Logan(it is who I thought it was). I’ve never told him this story so I’m sorry Logan, but your username wasn’t the same as your others and you didn’t have a photo either. I don’t even remember if you could have one back then. I give him a big hug and we sit down to talk. He hands me an envelope and I stick it in my back pocket. We must have talked for almost two hours. Renato joined us and we talked about our dreams, his track schedule, season and everything in between. Finally we get up to go so I walk to my trunk to give him a fight shirt. It was the only thing he wanted in return. We say our goodbyes and I go inside to make some food because at this point I’m starving.

As I’m making my food I feel the envelope in my back pocket sticking out. Up until that point I had completely forgot about the money. I go to adjust it but realize the envelope is thick. So I pull it out and open it up. I look inside and there is a bunch of one hundred dollar bills looking at me. My mouth drops. I walk over to Renato and I show it to him and all he can say is, “what the hell raquel? He gave that to you?”

When he told me how much money he had left from his budget I thought two things: he is donating some of it to me OR he is donating all of the money to me but he accidentally put an extra 0. When we get to the table I open the envelope under it and I pull the money out. I start counting and there are twenty five one hundred dollar bills. My jaw drops and I instantly feel stupid for so casually taking this money from him.

If you remember what I said in the beginning, we grew up in the same church. So being a blessing to others is something that was preached to us. But this was a gift I was not expecting. I think I immediately messaged him to ask if it was a mistake but it was not. He said he wanted to help someone and the only thing he wanted me to do is to do it someday too.

Back then I could make $500 last three months. So you can imagine $2500 was a lot of money to just give to me. I put it away in my closet and only used it to compete. That season was the first that I got to travel to a bunch of different opens. I did local ones, went to New York, Chicago, Dallas, California a couple of times amongst other places. It was an eye opener for me and I feel like my Jiujitsu grew tremendously that season.

Logan’s kindness made a lasting impression on me. As soon as I was able to help others, I did. At first it was small things like groceries and a place to stay and as of late I’ve been blessed to be a blessing on an even larger scale. Life comes full circle and I’m so glad that I’m in the place I am today that I can do the same thing that was done for me, for others.

Logan, if you ever read this.. thank you. You honestly don’t know how much that act of kindness changed my life in more ways than one. I hope that those I’m a blessing to will be blessings to others and the ripple effect keeps making waves for years to come…

Lost In Pages

I’ve started reading again and it’s been kind of nice to get lost in a book. Last week I found myself up until 2 am on multiple occasions not able to put the book down. Needless to say, I’ve finished two books in four days(one in less than twenty four hours). I felt silly for a long time because I’d buy self help or motivational books that didn’t interest me. I’d try hard to finish them but eventually they just became decoration for my plant shelves. These are just not the kind of books I enjoy.

As many of you may know by now, I enjoy writing. English was always my best subject(which is ironic because I can’t even speak it properly) and for most of my elementary and high school years I thought I would be a writer of some sort. While I was in college my assigned freshmen counselor would make me read my entries out loud because he liked them best. He eventually invited me to work as his assistant a part of the work study programs and convinced me to take his ‘writing of memoirs’ course. I had no idea that 390 meant it was a graduate course so when I showed up and there was only nine students in the class, seven of them juniors and seniors, I was immediately intimidated.

When I was offered a better scholarship to wrestle at another school the following year, I had to break the news to him and he was trying everything in his power to keep me there. “Raquel, you have a gift. I’ll figure out how we can get journalism as a major here. If I can’t then you can major in English and I promise you, with a reference from me you will get a job anywhere in the world.” He was a tiny little man but he was a little full of himself. Rightfully so. He had worked for the New Yorker for many years and published 12 books(one of which he made us read in his class). He was also very good friends with Robert De Niro and he never let any of us forget it(lol).

Needless to say, I left. The truth was, I hated the wrestling coach and it had nothing to do with the lack of journalism being offered there. I had spent the year working my ass off, winning wrestle offs only to not be given the starting spot anyways because of my “lack of experience” compared to the other girls who spent their entire lives wrestling. I was only in my fourth season as a college freshmen and ended up being one of three girls on the entire team that made All-American at Nationals(which is why I was offered a better scholarship from another school). This was a nice suck it to our head coach. Lack of experience doesn’t mean lack of wanting, lack of heart or lack of being able to do it.

I found myself struggling to write for this blog because it’s been so many years since I’ve actively journaled, wrote for a newspaper/magazine or just blogged in general. I kept a private blog for years. It followed some of the toughest times of my life until that point. It was basically my open journal and I’d share everything going on to a group of select people. My highs, lows, heartbreak’s and more. Then someone who I didn’t want to find the blog did. At the time you couldn’t password protect it because it was a public blog but I just made it impossible to find that one(or so I thought). So I deleted the entire thing without a second thought. Years of my life in words just gone. Sometimes I get upset that I did that for many reasons but mainly because I stopped writing after that.

A student bought me a book for the trip so I thought, maybe I’ll pick up a couple more rather than watching shows on these long flights. I can read to help my writing and do something more educational. So I did just that! I forgot how much I loved to read and how much it helps my writing. Its been nice remembering different ways to express myself and just doing something I’ve always really enjoyed.

So, here’s to ANOTHER goal I PUT BACK on my to do list: Write A Book.

Or two or three or four. It’s always been on the list but got somewhere lost at the end. It may not happen soon but I can definitely see myself retired sitting on my patio writing a book over some coffee in my future.

Seasons

I feel like a part of growing up and ‘maturing’ is realizing that everyone has seasons of ups, downs and in betweens. Contrary to popular belief(because usually my face looks annoyed 24/7), I am extremely understanding and one of the least judge mental people you’ll ever meet. I am far from perfect and I know that so how can I judge someone else?

Renato and I went through some changes in 2018 that really damaged our spirit and I remember hating who I was being for a really long time. Who I was then is not who I am now and I think about that time a lot. We were very negative, extremely defensive and there were times that I would say out loud to Re, “I don’t like who I’ve become.” I had to fight like hell to get out of that mindset I was living in. Circumstances shouldn’t change you but I’m only human. It happens!

I think about that time often and wonder, what if people didn’t give me grace when I was going thought that time? What if the people around me still judged me for who I was being then? So whenever people around me are going through a season like I was, I give them as much grace as I can. Maybe I will distance myself from them at times while they’re going through it. Maybe I won’t agree with some of their decisions and actions. But I will be waiting for them on the other side of it all. Because I know that it’s just a season and if they’re encouraged to be better, loved on when they’re down and supported while they’re a little lost - they can come out of this a better person.

So if you have someone around you who is going through changes and having a tough time.. Who seems like they’ve changed and not in the best way, love on them still. Give them time to get through it. Offer support. If it gets to be too much for you, step away for a little bit but don’t give up on them! Seasons come and go…

Legends Never Die

On Friday I asked Renato, “Who’s your top 5 most savage jiujitsu guys of all time?” Without taking even a second to think about it.. “Buchecha and Leandro….” then he took a while to consider the last three and even bargained two athletes to share a spot at 4.

The Jiujitsu community woke up Sunday morning to the news of Leandro Lo’s passing and it turned our world upside down. Leandro was deeply admired by everyone and I don’t think there’s a single person who is not taking this news hard. Not only was he one of the greatest do ever do it but he was kind, good and had the best dance moves in jiujitsu. It’s been incredible to see the outpour of love, admiration and how the world has stopped for him. He meant so much to the jiujitsu world.

Death always makes me put life into perspective. I spent a lot of the last two days thinking about the way Leandro lived his life. We didn’t know much about him(in the sense that he never said or posted much) except that he enjoyed his life, he loved his friends and he loved jiujitsu. He always showed up and showed out. If he was fighting, everyone was watching. I think one of the things that Renato and I always admired about him was that he was a true example of a champion. He hadn’t fallen into what the world has recently become and was still a true samurai.

I was thinking about my life and what is important to me. I spent so much of the last month thinking about making money. How can I increase our earnings as athletes, a business and in my side business as well? I was studying different marketing strategies and how I can use them in my own personal life. While most peoples lives are spent creating a good life and I don’t think I’m wrong for doing that, it made me feel like there’s just so much more to life than just that. I work a lot. I haven’t ever been on a real vacation. I haven’t been traveling enough. I haven’t been doing things that I enjoy. I don’t even speak to my family much these days. I let things bother me that shouldn’t. But life can be so simple and it’s meant to be lived, experienced fully and enjoyed as much as possible.

What is important to me is my legacy. Not the things I’ve done or will do but how I made people feel. I want to inspire people. I want them to be in my presence and feel loved, heard, appreciated and understood. I need to be better than I am right now. I need to laugh more, cry more, hug more, love more, dance more, sing like no one is watching. I need to train harder! I need to chase my dreams like I’m 21 again. That hungry, broke, I need to make it mentality. I need to spend more time with my family and those I love and care about. I need to do so much more than what I’m doing now. I don’t want to have any regrets when it’s all said and done.

This has been a real wake up call for me. Even in his passing Leandro is still inspiring people to be better. He will be missed greatly and never forgotten. I know things will not be the same without him.