I Get It Now
If you’ve been following along with my blog and have already read Part I and Part II then you have an idea of the back story of Renato an I. For those who haven’t, go read the other blogs first :)
When we got married we’d only been dating for 3 months. We had a whirlwind romance like the movies you watch or novels you read and we knew that this was what we wanted for our lives. We were broke but we were happy and definitely in love. We bought some bands on sale and got our clothes from TJ Maxx. I spent $20 on a dress and about the same on Renato’s slacks and button up. My sister was going to be in town for the weekend so she came with us as our witness. We drove our 2001 Honda Accord down to the courthouse and tied the knot. We had the most amazing friends who threw us a dinner party that night and the rest, well.. you’ll have to read about it here over time.
Over the years we talked about getting married and having an actual wedding. I wanted to do it at year 1, 2, 3 then 5 and it kind of kept running further and further away from us. I had high hopes that we would be making better money in those beginning years and while things were definitely getting better, we still couldn’t afford to throw a wedding on our own. We finally decided to do it at 5 years but Covid happened. His family was stuck in Brasil so we let that idea go. This October we attended a friends wedding in Oregon and it was absolutely beautiful and you could feel their love. It was also so special seeing everyone celebrating them. It was then that I knew that I didn’t want to live my life without having ever put on a wedding dress and walking down the isle to my husband with the people closest to us celebrating our love.
I’ve always said I just wanted a backyard luau. Something intimate with the people I love eating, drinking, dancing and laughing under the stars. Something big and fancy is just not me at all. So when we went to try on dresses I looked for something that would fit a beach house wedding party. BUT THEN I tried on THE dress. Actually, let’s rewind a little.
Leading up to the dress appointments I began feeling extremely anxious and guilty. If you know me personally, I am a servant to others. I rarely ask for anything for myself and even though I will drop stacks on others I will put back a top on sale for $30 if it’s for myself. I’ve always been that way. I spent the night before and the morning of filled with guilt. Wondering why I felt I deserved to do this. Wondering why I’m going to spend all this money on a big party to celebrate our love. I literally started tearing up right as I was about to I walk into the store(which is also why it’s important to bring good friends with you). We walked up to the reception area and I couldn’t even say I was the bride(lol).
We started choosing dresses and they chose some for me as well. We ended up pulling about 15 of them. I tried on the first few and loved all of them. And then I tired on THE ONE. It was like dating Renato in the beginning! me knowing he was the one but lying to myself the first couple of weeks thinking, ‘this can’t be it. this was too easy. I'm way too young to find my person.’ I was in denial. I couldn’t have found the dress on the 4th try! She zipped me up and I looked at myself for the first time and I just started to cry. ‘I GET IT NOW!’ I thought. Every woman deserves to have this moment. To put on a wedding dress and feel like a princess. I went out and showed my girls and started crying again. The other dresses were too big or too small but this one fit me like a glove. Like it was literally made for me. I tried on a couple more and put it back on at the end. ‘I get it now,’ I thought again. This is exactly why I deserve to do this.
I came home that day and I told my husband, “I have never felt more beautiful in my life. I am literally a vision of perfection in that dress!” He laughed and said he believes me. I hate to use this line again but if you know me then you know words like that never leave my mouth about myself. I am extremely critical about myself! But not on that day. That day I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world when I put that dress on. I can’t wait to walk down the isle and see his reaction.
