HONESTLY
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged and while that was never the plan(to be absent for so long), I’m glad I took some time for myself.
A LOT HAS BEEN GOING ON and honestly, I was not sure where to start. I’ve started writing a couple of blogs but stopped because I didn’t have the right words to finish it. I stopped trying to force myself to figure out what was going on and finally took the time to really live in the season that I’m currently in.
Tomorrow I begin therapy. That should have been hard for me to write but I’m ready to say it out loud and own it. When I began writing in this blog it was at a time in my life where I began feeling extremely down for the first time in my life. Well, the first time in my life that I ALLOWED myself to feel down. I was raised to soldier up, figure it out and never be weak. While this was going on I began pouring myself into things I thought would help me feel better. Making money, other people, building a better business, etc. thinking that these thing would make me feel fulfilled. In the end, it didn’t. I realized I needed to do some serious work within myself before I could do any of these things listed above successfully.
Over the last month and a half I’ve successfully prepared for a tournament where I was undefeated and beat some talented athletes. This was huge for me because I finally put myself first for the first time in a long time. I traveled to Okinawa alone and taught group classes to complete strangers which was also huge for me because I had never done that before. I’ve also spent a lot of time with family. I went home alone for the first time since Renato and I got together. This was huge for me because a part of the season I’ve been in is finding my truths and digging up some of my past so that I can understand what I’m going through currently. I put my work down and took some real time away from everything and more importantly, I didn’t stress myself out about doing so. 6 months ago time away would make me go crazy.
Over the next few weeks I plan to cover some of these experiences and topics I have been dealing with. While I feel like I am very transparent I am still very private about my personal life. But I feel like a blog should be open and honest! So stay tuned for more. I will be dropping a blog later this week :)
